So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
