Got a toothbrush?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
