It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
