those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
