You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
