As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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