my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
