its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
