i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
