it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
