how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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