Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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