i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
