btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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