I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
