she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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