Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
