Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
