Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
