you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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