and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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