This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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