He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
how drunk are you?
Several
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
