I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
