UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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