he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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