so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
