I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
