so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
