Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
