i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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