Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
