Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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