none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
