you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
