My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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