Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
