I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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