You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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