Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
