Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize