I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
