2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Can I color on your dick again?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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