I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
