the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
