jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize