Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
