Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
