She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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