If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
