i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
