Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
