I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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