Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
