I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
