I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
