you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
