Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
