Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
