i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
