I am midnight drunk by noon
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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