I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
