Your dad touched me again.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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