Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
