You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
