I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just want to make out with him forever
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
