ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize