come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
