i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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