I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
