I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Randomize
