If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
